Saturday, April 30, 2011

I was probably tempting fate by using the computer

Well, THAT sucked. 

I do not want to cause you any anxiety.  Anxiety leads to stress leads to health issues.  So I will skip straight to the end and tell you that everything turned out okay.  As far as I know.

Last night I started feeling horrible.  Like, Lyme-disease-coming-on horrible.  I curled up in a ball on the bed and felt sorry for myself.  JD felt sorry for me too, also.

Eventually I put on my big girl pants (technically I took my pants off, but metaphorically I put them on) and got ready for bed.  I think I slept pretty well.  I definitely slept late.  I don't know when JD got up.  I was surprised to look over and find him not in bed.

So I'm lying there and I smell smoke.  I smell burning.  I say "JD?" because if he's cooking then he can handle it.  But I hear no answer, so I pull on my robe and stumble downstairs to find out what's on fire.  I am half hoping that JD has burned pancakes, because then I can have pancakes.  When I get to the kitchen there is no fire, and also there are no pancakes.  There is an empty frying pan in which JD had toasted some oats.

Still foggy, I pour a bowl of cereal for myself.  JD comes upstairs and tells me that his ridiculous company has to have financial paperwork from me or he will lose his job.  Paperwork for stuff that happened years ago.  Years in which I was not even DATING JD and had no idea that some official of the company of my future husband would demand to see my paperwork.  I object on the grounds that that is insane, and we get into our first argument of the day.  Mild stomping ensues.  Also frowning.

I am still eating my cereal, and as I gradually become more aware I realize that I feel pretty shitty.  I check my temperature.  99.7, which for this time of day is fairly high for me.  Also, my back aches.  And my head.  Huh. That's weird.

All four of the cats start hopping up on my lap, one after the other.  I throw one on the floor and then another teleports into my lap.  I am having difficulty taking vitamins or seeing the computer due to cat overload.

I decide to move some of the funds from my ebay sales out of paypal and into my bank account.  I ask JD if he has moved the one sale that went to his paypal account over to my bank account, and thus starts the second argument of the day.   Eventually we determine that I don't have access to accounts he thought I had access to, which means I am not being completely unreasonable.  While we are talking money, I try to look up my 401k information.  I realize that I have forgotten my password, and possibly I lied to them about my mother's maiden name because I can't answer the security question to get back in.  And their support line is closed on weekends.  And they have locked my account because I'm obviously trying to hack in.

A cat tries to jump up on my lap, but the previous cat hasn't left yet.  There isn't enough room.  I try to pick up second cat but he loses his cool and sinks in all his claws into my thigh, and then starts falling down.  He leaves four paws worth of gashes in my leg.  I scream and start bleeding.  All the cats leave the vicinity.  JD finds me a 2-year-expired tube of Neosporin.  I smear it on and wait for the bleeding to stop.

At this point I am seriously considering going back to bed and trying again tomorrow.

Also, I realize that maybe I am sick.  Fever, aches, irritability, incompetence.. it all adds up.  Having made a decision ("I'm sick!") has the strange and unexpected effect of making me feel little better.  JD finds me walking toward the front of the house, looking wretched.  He walks me up one step of the stairs and then turns me around so I can have a comfortable hug.  (It is hard to hug properly when you have a foot of height difference between you.  It causes neck strain. Standing one stair up helps a lot.)  This also makes me feel better.

I decide that just having eaten breakfast should not stop me from eating lunch, as it is suddenly noon.  First I have pringles and onion dip, because I feel rebellious and also a little pitiful.  It is not as deadly as it could be because the dip is made from yogurt, not sour cream.  Nevertheless I feel a strong sense of devil-may-care.  I can do whatever I want!  Which includes eating potato chips and dip for lunch.

However after that I make actual lunch, which involves two veggies and a meat.  Magically I start feeling better.  I think that last batch of spinach that JD bought is really potent.

I really need to get ready for my upcoming backpacking trip so I start getting my food together.  I am much more methodical than usual.  I count up meals, number them, write down what each will be, and make a shopping list.  The only fresh items I need to put in are tortillas, sprouts, and a little cheese.  I weigh my food.  Adding in the tortillas and cheese (sprouts are almost weightless) I'll have twelve pounds of food.  Oof.  But that's about two pounds a day, which is what most people figure you need.  I have probably overpacked.. I usually do. 

Doing something purposeful has given me more energy and determination.  Next I measure out and bag up all the vitamins and supplements I will need for the trip.  Then I go in search of a tent I mean to sell:  

Sitting halfway back, I can extend my arms almost all the way over my head. Palatial!

Is it just me or does it have the look of an angry hog?
Seriously this is an angry tent.  Do not piss it off.

Putting it up, taking photos, and taking it back down take a good long while.  I'm doing all sorts of bending and my back actually feels pretty good.

While JD fixes dinner (I know!  I *just* ate spinach!) I put the tent up for sale on ebay.  It's a pretty nice tent, but I used it only once in the winter and then realized that winter camping is not for me.  Maybe somebody more manly than me will get good use out of it.

After dinner I put a bunch more things up for sale.  The gear room is slowly but surely being cleared out.  I look forward to putting things I actually use onto the shelves, instead of things I purchased, tried once, and stowed (apparently forever.  Until now.)

And then ten minutes ago I looked up and realized I had spent all evening weighing things and writing descriptions and now it's time for bed.  And I feel pretty good.  I don't think I'm feverish anymore, and I don't hurt all over, and also I don't want to cry. 

That's as close as I'm going to get to a happy ending on a day that started like today did.


  1. You made my day again with "cat overload." This post provoked a fit of ROFL that I sorely needed (son-in-law just diagnosed with 'bad' prostate cancer). So thank you.

  2. I'm sorry to hear that! I'm glad I was able to give you a chuckle.