Dear District 36: Please field somebody funnier than me. I'm pretty sure this contest doesn't go to the regional level, but if it does I definitely don't want to go there. I realize that I'm not that great of a speaker, but Trouble was a really funny cat. I can't help it. And I don't want to win. (The next level involves karaoke.) So get your A game going.
What on earth am I supposed to do with a trophy? Put it with my best GPA award from 8th grade? It doesn't look like it would even be good for killing crickets.
JD suffered through today's contest but didn't enjoy the incessant clapping and congratulating, so I'll suffer through the next one alone.