That burning sensation you feel is my envious stare

I've been reading http://www.traijournals.com/ and I am feeling an embarrassing amount of envy for the folks going out to do a thruhike this year.  Not that I really want to be gone from home that long, but the idea of it gnaws at me.  Even though I very clearly remember the times when I was sick or lonely or in pain, all the rest of it overwhelms those times.  Setting out on day one.  Meeting like-minded strangers at the shelters.  Sitting and gazing at vistas.  Having no other plan than getting up and hiking in the morning.  Craving, and then getting, cold cokes.  Feeling the strength and endurance of my body increase as I hike past the first 100, then 200, then 300 miles.  Exploring new small towns on foot.  Meeting people who live all along the mountain chain.  Learning how to shop for backpacking food from a dollar store.  Stopping to catch my breath and noticing, in the silence, the flame azalea way back in the woods.  Getting out of the tent for a privy visit in the night, and feeling the dark all around me like a cozy blanket.  Waking up briefly to roll over, and glimpsing a gorgeous night sky.  Feeling the absolute relief of taking off my boots at the end of a long and rocky day.

I miss all that.  Tremendously.

Maybe someday I'll do it again.

In other news, it appears that half my weekend has been wasted by sleep.  I'm planning to go to work tomorrow.  I hope.  I hate using up annual leave on sick days.  You may have guessed that I prefer to save them up for long hiking trips.  :)

Where I wish I could be, again

dirt > pavement

I paused in a parking lot this morning to appreciate the warm touch of the moist morning wind on my face.  Fall is not usually so gentle. The irony of appreciating nature in a parking lot did not hit me until later.

My doc told me yesterday that I needed to get back out on the trail.  "You do better there."  The same doc hadn't wanted me to thruhike this year because she figured she'd be the one who'd have to put me back together afterward.  I may possibly have convinced her that hiking is good for me.  No decision yet on horseback riding.

I can't really disagree with her on the hiking thing.  I do do better out there.  However, nobody pays me to hike.  Some people do get paid to hike, but nobody pays super slow hikers.  It's not like I'd be an inspiration to the masses.  Maybe I'd be an inspiration to paraplegics.  Anyway, I have this paycheck addiction, and I like the idea of retiring eventually, and being able to afford vet care for the old man.  So I work.

I did find a few minutes to go for a walk today, for a wonder.  Haven't done that in a while.  Actually I jogged most of the way, and I found out why jogging shoes are preferred over hiking boots.  My shins hurt.  Also, I had a thought.  (I know!  I'm shocked too.)  The current theory of shoes, with those five toed thingamybobbers?  Says that we didn't evolve to run with big shock absorbers on our feet.  And since our feet don't feel the shock, we do more damage to our other joints.  The thing is?  We also didn't evolve to run ON CONCRETE.  That stuff is death to joints.  If you ask me, if you run without good support you should run on dirt.  I like running on dirt anyway, but I am a well known wimp and also a well known nature freak.  But nevertheless I may have a point.(1)

In other news, work was much better today.  Yay Xanax!  I had several moments when I wasn't in a crisis, and I tried really hard to remember what I usually do in my job, but it didn't work out.  So instead I packed some more and started pulling unused (I hope) cables out of our switch.(2)

After work I stopped by the pharmacy to drop of a prescription, and managed to surprise a real smile out of the pharmacist.  That may have been my favorite moment of the whole day.  So often the people who work the desk are jaded, bored, pissed off, and generally hating everything.  So when I get a real moment of connection, a moment of shared happiness, I love it.  Thank you, pharmacist, for smiling back at me.  You totally made my day.

1)  It's hard to tell sometimes.

2)  Somebody will probably yell tomorrow if I was wrong.  And then I'll know!

Snot much

You know what's stinky?  When  you have a ton of fun plans for the weekend, and they all get derailed by a virus.  Viruses are so small that you can't punch them in the nose, but I sure want to.

So far I've missed riding Pluto, hiking, brunch at Silver Diner, and bricklaying.  (I don't feel too bad about that last one.  )  While I was asleep, JD set the bricks, started the laundry, and got the Halloween decorations out of the basement.  When I got up briefly, he went up in the attic through the hatch in our bedroom and fixed the remote unit for our ceiling fan. And then he made a lasagna.  Meanwhile, I didn't have the wherewithal to take a shower.  It's good that one of us is getting things done, but I'm feeling that our relationship is a bit lopsided this weekend.  I haven't even been alert enough to hold up my end of the conversation most of the time.

According to google, I should stop being infectious some time Monday.  Monday's a holiday.  So I'll be able to go back to work on Tuesday without worrying about my coworkers.  Which I do, you know.  I try not to infect people if I can avoid it.  I feel that it's my civic responsibility not to spread sickness.  I rate it about as high as stopping at intersections where the traffic light is out.

Writing this post constituted my exercise for the day.  I'm going to go blow my nose and sniffle some more.