You know that thing where you reach back and grab your ankles? Are you supposed to scream when you do that?

Man, yoga kicked my butt tonight.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.  We had a substitute for our substitute.  Our main teacher hasn't actually been to yoga for the last two sessions, as she is unfortunately having chemo.  Well, better than the alternative, I guess.  Anyway tonight's teacher wanted to do several moves that involve pulling your leg back toward your butt and also arching your back, and my body no longer does that.  When it tries to, the leg muscles go into spasm.  At least now I feel it happening and stop before I get a full on charlie horse.  It's a good thing yoga isn't a contest, because if it were I would have come in last today.

I'm kinda hungry these days, because I'm trying to lose weight again.  Every round of dieting I lose a few pounds and then plateau.  So here's to a few pounds.  The neuro doc says the best thing I can do for my back is get down to the lowest weight I possibly can.  I keep plugging away at it, a few pounds at a time. If I end up with at totally rockin' bod as a side effect, I wouldn't sneer at it.  It's like buying the safe, fuel efficient car that just turns out to have the coolest lines and the best radio.  But mostly I just want my spine to stop being stupid.

That, and my brain.  JD told me tonight that he's asked me to do something several times, and I have no memory of it, whatsoever.  And it's something that I want, and have pestered *him* about, in the past.  It bothers me that I can't remember.  Usually things that I've forgotten completely are much farther back in my past.

I haven't even hit my head recently.  That I recall.

I can eat whatever I want and not lose weight. The converse, however, is not true.

A few weeks ago, I read something on the internet (I know, what a great source of facts!) which made me think that perhaps all this dieting I'm doing (a good year or two after I declared that I would never diet again) had put me into starvation mode.  I was inclined to agree, because A) I wasn't losing any weight, and B) I was tired all the time.  So I upped my intake per the recommendation of Anonymous Person on the Internet with Convincing Equations.  This put me at 1800 calories a day.  In theory, this was my maintenance amount, and any exercise I did would cause me to lose weight.

You can probably guess where this is going.

I haven't lost.  An effing.  Ounce.

I mean, I haven't gained weight either, and that's nice.  But I haven't proven ANYTHING.  At this point my options are 1) eat less, hope the weight loss thing happens after all, or 2) eat more, finally figure out exactly where the maintenance point is for me.  Although truthfully?  I'm having difficulty eating 1800 calories worth of food a day.  A lifetime of dieting has not put me in a place where I can eat a ton and feel comfortable (in any sense), unless I am getting insane amounts of exercise.

And with my stupid painful injury thingie, my exercise is not as insane as it should be for this time of year.  No running, no riding.  All I'm doing is walking and hiking and backpacking and yoga and weightlifting.  Psht.

I will say that this seems to be a nice break even point for me, energy wise.  I am not hitting big slumps.  It is nice to do whatever exercise I want and not feel like somebody needs to dig me a grave to fall into afterward.  But it would be even nicer if I had smaller thighs to show for it.

Stupid metabolism.  Stupid science.  Stupid mountains that are harder to go over when you weigh more.