I said things to people and I didn't die

Today was the day of my first Toastmasters speech.  My icebreaker. (That's what they call it.)  I prepared carefully.  I met with my mentor.  I rehearsed my speech mentally.  I rehearsed my speech out loud, recorded it, and listened to the playback.  Three times.  I planned my lunch, my outfit, and my daily schedule around the meeting.

This morning when I woke up, my entire torso felt like there were bees buzzing around within it.  I briefly contemplated some chemical help in the form of Xanax, but I figured that while chemistry may help with better living, it probably won't help me get over my phobia.  So I stayed unmedicated.  However, I was careful not to add to the bees.  No caffeine for me.

(Supersonic "eeeeeee!" buzzed around in my brain all morning.)

I got nothing of substance done in the office in the morning.  I tried to.  But no, nothing.  I timed my speech again.  I tried to read emails.  I checked to make sure I had everything I needed.  Finally, it was time to walk to the building where the group meets. Fifteen minutes early, of course.  Today would have been a bad day to be late.

We met in a different room today.  EVERY OTHER MEETING was in one room.  A room I was familiar with.  A room I was comfortable with.  Not today.  Special for today we met in a glass walled conference room.  Today's room goes by the appellation of the Skybox.  I felt like I was on the bridge of the Starship Enterprise.  From the speaker's position, you could see all the way down the building, and down into the atrium.  Yikes.

I met and talked with Becky while waiting for the meeting to start.  A lot of members didn't show up, including my evaluator.  Becky volunteered to evaluate my speech for me.  This was a lucky thing for me, because Becky would have made an excellent cheerleader. By the time she got done evaluating my speech, I felt like I had won an Academy Award.  According to Becky, I'm awesome.

The actual speech went fairly well.  I left out some parts, but that's fine.  I stayed within my time limits.  I wanted to make it closer to the long end than the short end, since I have a hard time speaking long enough.  I accomplished that.  Also, I didn't hyperventilate, faint, or cry.  Apparently I looked confident.  Looks are deceiving. But that's why I wore that irresistible purple sweater today.

I was amused and a little appalled to note that some of the others in their comments had mentioned that I should try not to use note cards.  The manual specifically says you can use them.  I had six note cards, which I referred to three times (in total).  And I didn't hold them, I left them sitting on the lectern.  So really?  For my first speech, you think I should have tried to avoid using note cards?  Do you remember what a first speech is like?

Anyway, I survived and people were nice, and I got a ribbon.  Everybody gets a ribbon for their first speech.  It's pinned up on my desk now.

PS I talked about being a long distance hiker.  Several people were interested and requested variations on the topic for future speeches.  I may do all ten dang speeches on aspects of long distance hiking.

(eeeeee!)