It was blurry, but nice

It was a no-good, dreary, rainy day.  It was like that yesterday too, but sans rain.  At least yesterday I could go outside, even if I couldn't go out and soak up some sun.  Yesterday I went out and walked for a couple of miles, and there were even some pretty leaves.

See?  Pretty.

Today it rained.  Pretty much the whole day.  I went to see my dentist, which might have been awful if he were somebody else, but my dentist is not awful.  We always have good conversations.  And his daughter, whom I like, works for him, and I love to listen to their back-and-forth.  So that part was nice.  Not so nice when he was doing hurty things to my gums with small metal instruments, but nice other than that.

Around two today, on the second day of the sun not having come up and what the hell?  The sun is supposed to come up EVERY DAY.  It's in the rules.  The physical, astronomical rules.  But no.  No sun.  Stupid sun.

Anyway, around two today, I got an email asking me to go to another building.  Something that should have been working was not working, and somebody needed to go push a button.  You would think that at NASA we would have button-pushing robots, or telepathically stimulated on switches, or something.  Instead, we have a middle aged system administrator who walks over and pushes the button.  Cheaper.  More reliable.  No firmware updates.

I was happy to get the email.  I had been trying to convince myself to go for a walk out in the rain, and the parts of me that dislike being wet had been winning.  I took off my glasses first.  I am not really very near sighted, and I don't need the glasses for either walking or button-pushing.  And I hate the raindrops on them.  So glasses off.  Then I put on my rain skirt (see yesterday's blog) and my raincoat, and I stuck my phone in my pocket, and off I went.

I don't really mind walking in the rain.  What I mind is my face getting wet.  This is only a problem in light rain, when those tiny raindrops are more like mist blowing.  Very wet mist.  Today was a very wet misty rainy day.

I walked over and hit the button, and stayed to verify that the thing had really turned on.  Then I walked back to my building and emailed the fellow to let him know that his machine was working again.  Then after all that, he emailed me to say that he hoped the weather wasn't bad.  He had heard it wasn't nice out.

Huh.  I was mostly thinking about what a lazy git I was for not going out on my regular walk.  I just needed a nudge.  I had forgotten that in fact most people would not have walked the mile over to the other building.  Most people would have driven.  Or made an excuse.  "Can't do it right now, in the middle of something important.  Will get to it first thing in the morning.  (When the sun is out.)"  It would not have made a nice, if damp, change for them. 

I think this is one of those things that sets hikers aside from other people.  It's not that we necessarily enjoy going out in the rain.  Although some do.  Or being uncomfortable.  (Although some do.) It's that we've forgotten that going out in the rain isn't a regular thing.  It's just one more way to have a walk.  A sunny day, a windy day, a day with mosquitoes, a day with deer, a day with rain.  They're all different types of walking days.  

Love walking days.

They should have a nice porter at the cafeteria

Today would have been a perfectly nice day if it hadn't involved work.

I once again had to explain to a coworker that I have responsibilities in addition to leaping up when he beckons.

I spent far too much time standing in front of a monitor in a loud and cold room, watching things progress v.e.r.y s.l.o.w.l.y.

Despite repeated attempts I STILL don't think I have managed to convince people that when you postpone somebody else's work and then reschedule it, you need to make sure that the people actually doing the work are available. If I were the guy whose work got rescheduled without checking with me, or indeed acknowledging my existence, I would be pretty pissed off.  As it is I'm having sympathy pissiness.

I'm pretty sure there isn't enough beer at work.  Beer would make everything more tolerable.  There would be more mistakes, but nobody would care.

And it burns burns burns, the ring of fire

This is the last thing I saw before leaving for work this morning:

I have no legs, you guys!  I have no legs!

I can't believe you'd rather go to work than stay home with me.

You can imagine how hard it was to leave.

There was a fire drill at work today.  I missed it.  Or most of it, anyway.  Since I arranged with the boss and the manager to come in late until I'm over Lyme this time, I arrived at the office building after the alarm started going off.  It took me a while to find a parking spot, because security had for some reason blocked off two or three possible entrances to the parking area.  By the time I parked and got out, the alarm had been going off for five minutes or so and the building had been vacated.  I opted not to go in, find my yellow vest and helmet, and check on all "my" offices.  Screw it.  You want me to be a fire warden, you hold the fire drills when I'm actually there.

This equipment leads me to believe that they expect me to work, or be helpful or something.  Hmmm.

So I felt kind of guilty and kind of grumpy about that.  Also, after standing there in the parking lot with everybody else for several minutes, I realized that I was sunburning.  Frack!  I moved over into some shade, but my left ear and the left side of my neck were already red.  Stupid sun.

Probably everybody else was happy they held the fire drill on the first day in a while where it wasn't raining.

I spent my day laboriously creating accounts on various computers.  It's not so easy to do these days, especially without console access.  First you have to disable the password policy settings that make accounts lock as soon as you create them.  Then you create the account (probably 8 lines of commands), then you create a home directory, then you login as that user.  Then you reset the password policy.  Lots of typing.  Fun times!  While I was there I checked to make sure the other password policies were correct (in many cases:  no) and added some hosts to the allowed list.

I was actually happy to go to a doctor's office as an alternative to doing that all afternoon.  Having a relative stranger peer at my crotch, grope my chest, and discuss my sex life with me is preferable to the work I was doing.  Which should give you some idea of how much I enjoy the particular work I was doing in the office today.

This evening I alternated between reading log files (fascinating.  not.) and cooking chili.  JD or I (I've lost track) have had a hankering for my chili.  Our chilis do not resemble each other, so it's a very specific craving.  My officemate brought in a bunch of habaneros for me, and I used them in the chili.  Verdict:  excellent!  Even JD agreed that my chili was almost as good as his, which from him is high praise.  Generally  he won't even agree to call mine chili.  He feels that it is a stew, almost but not entirely unlike chili.  Tonight's however, was chili, and darn good chili.  I'm letting it cook down more until bedtime, as I like it to be closer to sludge than to soup.   I anticipate chili that will blow the top of your head off after it's had a chance to sit in the fridge for a day or two.

I'm pretty sure my day went better than his

I spent my day completely failing to solve a problem.  This is not something I am used to.  I am used to looking at a problem, thinking about it, maybe googling, and voila!  Problem solved.  Not today.  Today I have been made to feel dumb by a computer.

I'll get my revenge, though.  I'm planning to do a fresh install on it tomorrow.  Hah!  Take that, stupid computer!

Before it got too hot out, I took a break and took my daily walk at work, wearing my backpack.  One of the guards stopped me to ask me if I were training for a trip.  He was pretty excited to hear I was going to Maine.  :)  You just never know where you are going to run into a hiking enthusiast.

That one trip around work decided me that I really do want to carry my heavier pack this year.  Two miles on flat ground was less comfortable with my light pack than six miles on (small) hills was with my heavy pack.  The experiment had to be made, but now it is over and the light pack is going back upstairs.  I'm not sure why I'm keeping it.  Maybe I'll part with it later on.

I woke up feeling all kinds of sick and grody, just like yesterday.  I chugged my (appropriately sized serving) of DayQuil and went in to work.  After a walk with my backpack, and a two-slice lunch, I felt much better.  Do you think it was the walk, or the pizza?

I have been super hungry the last two days.  My theory is that my immune system needs extra energy to fight off this bug.  It gives me the excuse to eat the second slice so I'm going with it.

Late this afternoon I was hungry (again) and realized I hadn't packed an afternoon snack.  So, I dug out some quarters and headed in the direction of the vending machine.  My building is really long, with hallways running the length of the building.  From my office, all the way at the end, I can't clearly see what's going on at the other end.  As I walked down, I saw a bunch of people standing around (typical) and equipment blocking the hallway (annoying.)  I grumbled to myself about how people feel like they can just block the way for everybody.  Fortunately, I didn't say anything to anyone else.  As I got closer and I could see more, I realized it wasn't an experiment.  It was a stretcher.  And there were EMTs milling about.  Apparently somebody collapsed.

I took the opportunity to sneak by when they wheeled the stretcher into the room to put him up on it.  On my way back I glanced behind me and saw that it appeared to be a male.  Not in a body bag.  So I guess he was alive.  All his labmates looked pretty darned glum though.  As I would be, if Marc or Joe had to be hauled out on a stretcher.  The little I heard was that he was just sitting at his bench, seemed to have trouble breathing, and fell over.  Damn, things just happen don't they?  Life seems interminable when you are dealing with a stubborn problem, but it sure seems short when you realize you could stroke out in a couple of minutes..

short and savory

In case you were wondering, today's entree was not as good.  I will not be making little vacuum sealed clones of it.

DeLee and I got together to plan our next trip, which is THIS WEEKEND and OMG I HAVE TO PACK.  I have riding scheduled one night, yoga the next, and if we end up driving to our hike area the night before as we discussed today, that means I have to pack tonight.  So I'm going to keep this short.

I was happy to be able to do some actual system administratory things at work today.  Often I get bogged down in agency crap, going to meetings, reviewing proposed changes to standards, and other totally uninteresting minutia.  Today I got to do software upgrades and figure out technical issues.  You know, things I actually like.

Okay I have to go pack now.  G'night.

In which I date myself

This morning I announced to my office (i.e. Marc) that I was going to take it easy.  I was just going to hang out and not do much unless somebody asked me to.  Marc had no problem with that.

Within seconds, somebody asked me to do something.  And then I barely got to sit down for the next several hours.

Everyone agrees I never should have said it out loud.

I did take a break around 3.  I swapped my hiking boots (de rigueur daily wear) for trail runners.  I found them under my desk when we were packing up to move.  Who knew?  They're pretty new looking too.  They squeak, which is probably why I quit wearing them way back when.  Anyway, wearing my new-looking trail runners of squeakiness, I took off for a quick walk-jog.  Mostly a jog actually.  It was very pleasant.  I may have said it before, but I will say it again:  I am so lucky to have found a form of exercise that I like so much.  Why do I like it so much more now than when I ran cross country in high school?  It's a mystery.

JD had plans this evening.  I was invited if I wished to go, but I've been to a car nerd event once before and it was so dull that I am still matte colored.  So I declined.  Instead, I went to see the new Harry Potter movie!  So exciting!  I haven't been to a movie in ages, and I *love* the Harry Potter series.  The movie did not disappoint.  I was spellbound.  (Hee!)  Seriously, it's a long movie, and I didn't notice the time passing.  Okay, I noticed the aches I always get in the movie theater seating, but other than that I was unconscious of time.  Lovely movie.  Can't wait to see the other half.

On the way home, apprehensive about the state of my house (because I'd left the kittens out while I was away), I distracted myself by totaling the cost of the event.  $12.25 for a ticket.  $6 for popcorn.  $1 for the Zevia soda I smuggled in.  (I feel so guilty!  But they don't offer caffeine free stevia sweetened diet soda at the theater.)  Nearly twenty dollars I spent to take myself out for popcorn and a movie.  That's definitely date-worthy expenditure.  And I must say I'm an excellent date.  I didn't hog the knee room, spill the popcorn, or burp during a quiet scene.  I was wonderful company.

The house was still standing when I got home.  I haven't counted heads yet but there aren't any trails of blood so I'm assuming everybody survived.  Tonight will also be the kittens' first night not locked up while we are sleeping.  Likely it will not be a restful night.  Those kittens can get their rumble on.  They rebound off of the walls and balusters.  It creates a tremendous racket.  How does such a small animal sound so much like an elephant when it runs?

I remember what boredom is

I got bored today.  Can you imagine?  I had forgotten what it was like.

First I let everybody out to interact while I ate breakfast, and nobody exploded or hissed or had a conniption.  Then I drove to work and went to a boring meeting, then coiled cables, then tried to remember what my job is when I'm not being freaking insane.  I can't remember!  It will come back to me I'm certain.  I asked Marc what we do, and he said "Fix things when they break" but surely that can't be right.[3]

It was really too cold to walk, so no walkies for me.  And I don't say that lightly.  It was the sort of cold that makes you hunch until your spine forms a C.  The sort of cold that makes all your exposed surfaces hurt.  It in fact changes your definition of exposed surfaces to include "the areas under my jeans that aren't covered by socks" as well as "my scalp, which is not satisfactorily covered by my hair or my fleece hat."  The wind makes your eyes tear and your cheeks burn, despite the fleece hat and the heavier duty scarf (which superseded last weekend's woefully inadequate thin scarf.)

I did have several warm areas.  Most of my torso, in fact.  I'm still wearing the bulky down jacket I bought at Burlington Coat Factory over a decade ago.  It's seen a lot of wear.  The cuffs have worn through.  There are permanent stains on the front from carrying buckets up against my chest as I fed the horses in the winter.[1]  The zipper has no zipper pull and hence can't really be used.[4]  The velcro at the wrists became mostly ornamental years ago, so I can't keep the wind out.  But nevertheless it's the warmest coat I own, and I got it out of the closet for this weather.

It's not even that cold.  It was 25 when I left the house the morning.  But when that wind whips up to 35 mph or so, it feels like death is hunting you on an icicle.  It is very good weather for staying inside.  I feel bad for my horse.  I hope he's not suffering.[2]

And all the other horses too, of course.  I hope they're not suffering either.

I know you are wondering, so I will tell you:  the Great Kitten Integration of 2010 is going well.  Even Nazca has ventured most of the way down the stairs.  I let everybody out when I got home shortly before 7 tonight, and there has been a variety of nose sniffing and tail sniffing and thundering up and down stairs.  But no yowling or mean faces.  It seems that peace may be coming.  Not that I'm holding my breath.

And that has been my day.  Boredom, cold, and kittens.  Excuse me while I go lather myself in Bag Balm.  It will not solve boredom or cold (or kittens) but it might make the skin stop trying to leave my body.  Could somebody please tell my parts that the stress is over and we can go back to normal now?

[1] Molasses and oil stains do not come out.

[2] Not that I went to check on him or anything.

[3] At any rate, I had several moments when nobody was emailing or calling or knocking, and I actually sighed from boredom.  Also I checked Wikipedia for interesting articles.

[4] I have four snaps to use instead of, though formerly in addition to, the zipper.

Insert snoring here

Got nearly everything packed up today.  Tomorrow, the directing of the movers, the reinstallation of everything, and the hoping it works.  Now, the tired.

Work, shmerk.

If I say what I'm really feeling right now, it might be libel.  Or that other word.  Slander?  Whichever.  So I'm just going to tell you that there is not enough Xanax in the WORLD to keep me from being pissed off right now.

Everything will work out in the end.  But Joe should probably keep all the carpentry tools away from me until all the connection issues are resolved.

dirt > pavement

I paused in a parking lot this morning to appreciate the warm touch of the moist morning wind on my face.  Fall is not usually so gentle. The irony of appreciating nature in a parking lot did not hit me until later.

My doc told me yesterday that I needed to get back out on the trail.  "You do better there."  The same doc hadn't wanted me to thruhike this year because she figured she'd be the one who'd have to put me back together afterward.  I may possibly have convinced her that hiking is good for me.  No decision yet on horseback riding.

I can't really disagree with her on the hiking thing.  I do do better out there.  However, nobody pays me to hike.  Some people do get paid to hike, but nobody pays super slow hikers.  It's not like I'd be an inspiration to the masses.  Maybe I'd be an inspiration to paraplegics.  Anyway, I have this paycheck addiction, and I like the idea of retiring eventually, and being able to afford vet care for the old man.  So I work.

I did find a few minutes to go for a walk today, for a wonder.  Haven't done that in a while.  Actually I jogged most of the way, and I found out why jogging shoes are preferred over hiking boots.  My shins hurt.  Also, I had a thought.  (I know!  I'm shocked too.)  The current theory of shoes, with those five toed thingamybobbers?  Says that we didn't evolve to run with big shock absorbers on our feet.  And since our feet don't feel the shock, we do more damage to our other joints.  The thing is?  We also didn't evolve to run ON CONCRETE.  That stuff is death to joints.  If you ask me, if you run without good support you should run on dirt.  I like running on dirt anyway, but I am a well known wimp and also a well known nature freak.  But nevertheless I may have a point.(1)

In other news, work was much better today.  Yay Xanax!  I had several moments when I wasn't in a crisis, and I tried really hard to remember what I usually do in my job, but it didn't work out.  So instead I packed some more and started pulling unused (I hope) cables out of our switch.(2)

After work I stopped by the pharmacy to drop of a prescription, and managed to surprise a real smile out of the pharmacist.  That may have been my favorite moment of the whole day.  So often the people who work the desk are jaded, bored, pissed off, and generally hating everything.  So when I get a real moment of connection, a moment of shared happiness, I love it.  Thank you, pharmacist, for smiling back at me.  You totally made my day.

1)  It's hard to tell sometimes.

2)  Somebody will probably yell tomorrow if I was wrong.  And then I'll know!

I'd step back if I were you

Did you ever take the SAT?  Do you remember what it felt like?  Frantically answering question after question, pummeling your brain for forgotten knowledge, making up answers if you just can't remember, carefully checking to make sure you're filling in the bubble for the correct question because god forbid you should be off by one and your life would be ruined forever?

Then the proctor makes you put your pencil down, and then you do it again.  The SAT has a lot of sections.

After taking the SAT, I left the building feel drained and a little lost.  Like maybe I had actually left a part of me back there in the booklets.  The brain part of me, if I had to guess.  I thought I would be happy to be done with it, maybe a little triumphant.  But no.  Sagging shoulders, empty head, sore all over from the physical tension that is the result of thinking really hard.

What I'm saying here is it was pretty rough.  The sort of thing you need to recover from.

My job right now is like taking the SAT every day, combined with frantic "oh crap Mom's going to be here any minute" housecleaning.  Every.  Day.  And I expect it to be like that through the beginning of December.

My coworkers are going to have to develop a sysadmin synonym for "going postal" if they don't leave me the hell alone to get my job done.  F-bombs are about to start flying around.

Also, am really sick of chivying others into doing what they need to do*.  Am starting not to care if they survive the month or not.

*There is a single bright shining exception whose name I can't use because I haven't asked, and it's kind of rude to call somebody out on a blog that way.  But her initials are DM.  :)**

**I just thought of another exception.  KS.  But this will not stop me from going sysadminny all over everybody else.