Looking forward to my steamed crap upgrade

I am having a day.  I shall present it in random order.

I am not entirely certain, but I think that my scotch (Lagavulin) may have liquid smoke in it.  It is not an improvement. 

I am not sick, but then neither am I well.  As far as I can tell, every joint that has ever been abused (which at last count includes all of my fingers and toes, much of my feet, parts of my hands, my knees, my hips, my entire spine, and my collar bone area) is aching with the cool damp weather we're having today.

The nicest thing said to me today was "Hoping you upgrade to steamed crap."

I just ran out of chocolates.

My vet knows some dressage riders looking for rides, so I may be able to find somebody to ride/lease Pluto soon.  I have mixed emotions about this.  I think it's a good idea, but it also makes me want to cry.

The Schnork peed right next to the wee pad, again.

While driving home from work I got this insanely bad headache which made me think that aliens might burst out of my left temple.

I spent an hour and a half on a telecon today, and they didn't say anything very relevant to me until the last three minutes.  And then just as I was logging out somebody started to say something very very relevant, but it was too late.  My hand finished pushing the button.

I STILL haven't gotten much done on my security plan, and I am worried about what will happen next year when our current one expires.  Despite this, I can't seem to carve out time to work on it.  Things keep happening.  Things involving spacecraft, IT security, new hardware, and other issues which are my actual job and not just a government requirement.

I am cranky, and my husband is also cranky, and there is a chance that our joint crankiness could explode into outright grumpiness.

I'm worried about my dad, who is only just released from the hospital and still has a way to go to get back to healthy, and I'm worried about my mom who is spending all her energy being there for Dad.

********************

So I'm drinking smoky scotch because I don't have any other scotch, and I'm hoping it will be sunny out tomorrow.  Sunny days are nice.

What have I done?

Yesterday I went to my vet's office to adopt a dog.  I had met her last week, and she was sweet and friendly.  Adorable.  Quiet.  Wanted tummy rubs.

The sweetness lasted until we got half way home in the car.  Then amazing, scary noises started coming out of her.  Not dog noises.  Crazy noises.  Halfway between snarling, screaming, and an asthma attack.  When I got her into the house, she continued shrieking.  And demanding.  As soon as she found out about our sofas, she determined that she wanted to be on them.  And she wanted US to be on them.  Petting her.  Or she'd yell at us.

"What have I gotten myself into?" I thought.  For one thing, she just had abdominal surgery, so she needs to be kept calm and quiet.  She is neither calm nor quiet.  She is a little whirlwind of demands and needs.

For another, I have destroyed any semblance of serenity in our household.  If you don't count Nazca, we were all pretty well adjusted and used to our routine.  Now, routine?  No.  We have a tiny boss insisting we do things on her schedule.  OR ELSE.

By the way, if she is barking at you in that "I need to go outside" kind of way?  There is no "wait ten minutes".   Although she apparently made it through the night in her crate without making a mess, which amazed me.  Her bladder must be the size of a walnut.  How can she hold it that long?

If you ever saw the movie Gremlins, do you remember what happened when the Mogwai got to eat after midnight?  That's kind of what we have going on here.

You better pet me RIGHT NOW

To be fair, today is better than yesterday.  We're figuring each other out.  She seems to have no obedience training whatsoever, but she's housebroken (... pretty much) and she does respond to being called.  And she's stopped freaking out (.. as much) if we're not in the same room with her.

The plan is to have her sleep in a crate until a week or so after her surgery, when we're pretty sure she won't rip out any stitches trying to get in or out of bed.  Last night sleeping in the crate meant that she would shriek for about fifteen minutes any time she heard a noise.  It was a restful night.

Make fun of my hairdo one more time, bitz.

For such a little thing, she can make surprisingly loud noises.  And a wide variety of them, too.  Right now she is laying next to me on the floor, whining and groaning.  In addition to shrieking, she has this weird gargly talking thing she does.

Oh, and I forgot the best part.  She seems to be having some kind of allergy attack.  I don't know if it's the vernal apocalypse we're having outside, or if she's allergic to cats.  Either way, it sounds like she's drowning in mucous.  I gave her half a benadryl earlier, hoping that A) it would settle down the drainage, and B) it would make her sleepy.  So far only A has occurred.

And of course, she has started following JD around.  She is glued to him whenever he's available.  Why do all animals love JD?

Days off don't always happen on schedule.

I went to bed early last night.  When the alarm went off this morning, I turned it off and went back to sleep.

An hour later, I got up.  Since my clothes were already laid out, I put them on.  Downstairs, I made a bowl of cereal for myself and sat down in front of the computer.  I opened up my work email.  I realized that I was still felt like crying whenever I thought about work.  I took the day off.

Today I read for a while, then napped, then ate a late lunch.  I got a call from a friend, and we're going to meet later for a drink (a non-alcoholic drink) and maybe a pastry.  And then I'm going to yoga.

I'm pretty sure I'm going to work tomorrow, though.

Sometimes being in a safe, quiet place is what I need.  A place where I can squeeze cats (gently) and think about nothing.  Home is a healing place.

What you really have to watch out for is when I *stop* yelling

I'm a mess today.  I don't know what's wrong with me.  I had my fourth migraine in five days.  I'm totally emotionally off kilter.  I was so furious today that I knew if I tried to talk I would start crying.  (If you're not an angry cryer, you can not imagine how frustrating this is.  And how much angrier it makes me.)  I picked up my stuff and drove home.  Didn't say a word to anybody.  Later I emailed them that I would be telecommuting the rest of the day, which I did.  Of course, the machine I was working on got weird and refused to come back up when I rebooted it.  This did not improve my mood.

First person to ask if I'm pregnant gets a vicious boot to the head.

The details of why I'm angry are unimportant.  It's stuff that normally would not phase me.  Or, if it did, would occasion a particularly sarcastic comment.  Not a total meltdown.

I have on occasion gotten off kilter, and I'm always flummoxed about how to get back to my nicely balanced center.  It's like my shell has gotten thin.  And maybe cracked a little.  Once I get to that state, pretty much anything will set me off again.  Which is also frustrating.

I need to go for a nice long walk in the woods.  However, that is not happening any time soon.

I'm going to go read a lot and hope that whatever has my psyche in an uproar goes back to sleep.

I am old and I hunger

My diet went to hell in a handbasket this evening.  I was doing really well during the day.  Oatmeal for breakfast, dentistry instead of a midmorning snack, JD's special super healthy lasagna (with chicken, low fat cheese,  lots of veggies,and whole wheat pasta), yogurt and strawberries.

Then it got dark, and rained, and I had a discomfiting doctor's visit [1], and I felt all achy and yucky.

Came home, ate the little bit of ice cream left in the pint.  Then a piece of turkey bacon.  Then some thin crust pizza.  Then a microwaved apple.  And now I'm on to the hot chocolate.  Also, please note that I'm not at yoga.

I have to be at a meeting tomorrow that starts at the same time I've been dragging myself out of bed in the morning.  I'm still on antibiotics for Lyme, and although I'm feeling pretty good, I do still find myself needing more sleep.  I hope that eases up when I finish the round of doxycycline.  But what it means for me right now is that I need to get to sleep as early as I can tonight, and tomorrow morning is probably going to suck anyway.

Also, there's a 90% chance it will still be raining.

Skeered, mom.  Let's hide under covers.

[1] Oh, the doctor's visit?  I met with a new doctor at my ob/gyn practice.  I mean, he's not new himself, I've just never seen him before.  I was there to ask about Essure.  It's permanent contraception - rather than having your "tubes tied" you plug them up, and scar tissue forms around the plugs, and then your eggs can't get out to be fertilized.  Yay!  The website makes it seem like a no-brainer.

However, the doc did not give me warm fuzzies.  First, he wants me to take birth control pills prior to the surgery to thin my uterine lining so he can actually find the opening to the fallopian tubes.  If I were comfortable with taking birth control pills, I would just take them and not need another option.  My previous experience has been bad.

Second, this practice does not perform the procedure in the office. They use a surgical center an hour's drive away.

Third, this doctor insists on anesthesia.  I don't react particularly well to general anesthesia.  Not having it was one of the benefits of a non-surgical approach that I was looking forward to.  With anesthesia I'd have to have somebody drive me to the surgical center and drive me home afterward.

Fourth, several months after the procedure you have to have your uterus filled with dye, and then  have an x-ray taken.  This doesn't sound like fun either.  And if the x-ray shows that the Essure didn't work?  It's all for nothing.  And you still have to be really careful about birth control, because you're now at much higher risk for ectopic pregnancy.

Not to mention the "you MIGHT have a reaction to the nickel that will be in your body for the rest of your life.  It's not hugely likely."  Gosh, my ears hated cheap nickel earring posts.  I wonder how my fallopian tubes feel about nickel springs?

Fifth, and this part was not actually problematic for me, he won't even consider doing it while I'm being treated for Lyme disease.  The problematic part is "when are you considered healed up from Lyme disease?"  Either this coming Saturday, or in six months, or never depending on whom you ask.

Sixth, he pointed out that you get a lot less use out of permanent contraception by getting it at 41 compared to 35.  Implied:  "Just wait for menopause!"  Also:  "Old.  You're Old."

Low carb backpacking in reality, so far

I went on an overnight trip a couple of weeks ago.  The food I brought kept me going and feeling good, but it wasn't a good test.  I wasn't really out there long enough or working hard enough to put any strain on the system.  However it did speak to what packs well, at least a little.

For snacks I had
Lara bars
trail mix made from seeds, nuts and dried fruit
dried mango
beef jerky
100 calorie packs of almonds

I ate some of all of it, and they made good trail snacks

For lunch I had
crystal light in my water
low carb wrap
individual size cream cheese
individual size hummus
cranberries
alfalfa sprouts (that DeLee brought)
and a piece of string cheese that DeLee also brought

The wrap worked pretty well despite the weird ingredients :)

Dinner got slightly low carb.  I couldn't find my quinoa when I was packing, so I packed
home dehydrated turkey chili
ramen to eat with it
dark chocolate squares
scotch

Breakfast didn't stick with me AT ALL.  And it wasn't low carb either so that's kinda my fault.  I had
Alpine Air Strawberry Granola with some kind of milk powder already in it.  Didn't taste that great and had no staying power.  Ah well.  I started in on the snacks early.  Also I had several hot mugs of Pero.

Of course, we happened upon a fantastic breakfast buffet a couple of hours after breakfast, and that *did* stick with me.. I can't even remember everything we ate, but I know it included scrambled eggs, fresh fruit, and a piece of Reuben casserole.  I justify the insane meal by telling myself I burned off a lot of energy trying to stay warm the night before.  (Which is true.)  Whether it was justified or not, DeLee and I enjoyed the heck out of the meal.

Anyway, so far it seems that staying away from processed grains is about 50/50 for me.  The snacks I brought gave me plenty of energy, which bodes well for future trips.  I really need to find the quinoa and/or corn pasta.  And I need a better breakfast answer.