My horse. Is afraid. Of ghosts.

Let me say that again.  My HORSE.  Is afraid of GHOSTS.

Does anybody else see the problem with this statement?

I did not have what you'd call a productive training session with Pluto this evening.  I'm trying to figure the best way to summarize it.  I think a dialog is the better option.

Me:  Hi!
Pluto:  MOM!  I missed you!  Here I am waiting at the fence, hurry up!  I will shove my head into the halter for you.
Me: ... okay.  I'll just go ahead and brush you and stuff.
Pluto:  Hurry up!  I will shove my head into the bridle for you.
Me:  Hey, looks like you're in a good mood!  Excellent.

(I see Tara pulling up, a little late.  Pluto and I head out to the arena ahead of her and Timber.)

Pluto:  AHHH There's something lurking!
Me:  No, that's a chair.  See?  I've turned the lights on and you can see that it's a chair.
Pluto:  All righty then.

(Four out of six lights in the arena are working.  The end closest to the road, gate, other horses, and cemetery is dark.  Also, the light on the nearby barn keeps turning on and off.)

Me:  How about we longe a little bit?
Pluto:  Okay, and look how good I am at it.  But I feel.. kind of.. off a little.  Like maybe I don't want to really step through with my hind legs.
Me:  Aw, crap.

(I palpate his legs, his back, the muscles all over his hind end.  Nada.)

Me:  Well, no trotting tonight for sure.  We'll wait for Tara to get here, then we'll just do some walking.
Pluto:  In the meantime, I'll be a lot of fun!  Let's do some games at liberty!
Me:  Hey, look at you paying attention and going through the obstacle course like a pro!  You kind of rock, you know.
Pluto:  (is modest)

(Tara arrives with Timber.  That's my cue to mount up.)

Pluto:  I don't think I want you on my back right now.  Also, have you noticed my giant penis?
Me:  Yes, yes, you're hung like a horse.  Har.  Put it away.  Also, please stand still so I can get on.
Pluto:  I am going to continue sidling away.  And I REALLY like you.  I like you so much that I'm biting you now, in a really annoying stallion-with-mare way.
Me:  Seriously.  Put it away.  And I'ma punch you in the face until you stop biting me.
Pluto:  I like you so much I'm getting kind of drippy.
Me:  Okay, you know what?  I'm gonna email the vet to see if you have a UTI or if you are just unnaturally attracted to me.

(I email the vet from my phone.  Tara opines that Pluto REALLY likes me.)

Pluto:  Still not gonna stand still so you can get on.
Me:  Okay, fine.  No riding tonight.  I have a policy against riding when you're a dink anyway.
Pluto:  You ain't seen nothing yet.

(he finally puts it away.)

Pluto:  HEY!  There is something intensely fascinating in the dark corner of the arena!  I'm going to stare at the cemetery until I figure it out.
Me:  Try not to knock me down, dude.  Also, I see nothing.  My flashlight sees nothing.  I hear nothing.
Pluto:  HOLY SHIT IT'S A GHOST!  RUN!
Me:  You have got to be kidding me.

Timber, at the other end of the arena:  I say.. is something happening over there?

Me:  Let me put a leash on this horse so Tara can ride.
Pluto:  HOLY CROAKING SHIT WE ARE GOING TO DIE.

Timber:  I am mildly concerned.
Tara:  I'm just going to get up and ride for a little bit.
Timber:  Concern level rising!
Tara:  You know what?  I'm just going to get back down now.

Pluto:  Let's go stand at the other end of the arena.  Where the lights are.
Me:  Sure.  How about you go back on the longe?
Pluto:  I am not leaving your side.  Are you kidding me?
Me:  SIGH.  I guess I'm just grateful you're keeping it holstered now.

Tara:  I believe I'll put Timber on the longe, over here in the scary corner by the cemetery.

(Timber spooks so hard he goes down to his knees, the leaps up to his feet again.)

Me:  Good night not to be on a horse.  Also, the walk home, past THE CEMETERY, should be fun.  Not.
Tara:  Trade horses with me.  Timber will not run away with you, and I can handle Pluto.
Me:  Deal.

(We have an uneventful walk back, under the beautiful full moon.)

Pluto:  Well, that was fun.  Could I have some cookies please?
Me:  Are you kidding me with this?

My vet:  Call me tomorrow.
Me:  (Sigh.. it's unnatural attraction, isn't it?  And split personality disorder.)