I am not a morning person

I am dumb as a stump for about two hours after I wake up.  Coffee makes me more alert, but not smart.  For example, this morning I had already made and started drinking coffee, and yet I *almost* drank egg beaters out of the measuring cup I had poured it into.  As such, I do quite a bit the night before to try to make sure that I don't have the opportunity to make stupid mistakes in the morning.

The night before, I:
1) Lay out clothing.  This will not prevent me from putting on my shirt inside out or my pants on backward.  No, I'm not kidding.
2) Put out coffee K-cups to make first thing.
3) Lay out a can of catfood, two bowls, and a spoon.
4) Leave myself notes and hope that I read and comprehend them.
5) Put together as much of my lunch as I can.
6) Put anything that needs to go to work into my lunch box.  If it is only lunchbox-adjacent, there is a very good chance that it isn't leaving the house.

I make up my morning vitamins two weeks in advance so I just pop open that day's vitamins.

If things that need to go with me will fit in a grocery bag, I can try hanging them from the front doorknob.  Sometimes that will work.

I try to leave some things until after I have had a while to get up to speed, such as

1) Putting on shoes.  (I have shown up at work wearing one hiking boot and one running shoe before.)
2) Brushing teeth.  (So I don't brush my teeth with something that comes out of a tube but isn't toothpaste.)
3) Answering email.  Or Facebooking.  Either one may end up with completely random output if done before I'm really awake.
4) Talking to people, including my husband.  See 3).


Once I get up to speed I am intensely aggravated at all the stupid things I did in the morning.  As far as I know, there is nothing to be done for it but try to make my morning as pre-prepared as possible.  It gives me sympathy for people who are stupid all the time.  It's not like it's their fault.  Just like it's not my fault that I'm completely incompetent for two hours every day.