Do you ever stop and be amazed that you are where you are? Sometimes my life seems completely unlikely to me.
Yesterday we were having a problem with a computer so I fetched a screwdriver out of my toolbox, took the server out of the rack, and opened it up. And wondered at what point in my life that came to be a normal thing to do. When did it go from "I better ask somebody to fix that" to "I better fix that"?
I mean, this is a good thing. I like having skills. Sometimes I like having mad skilz. But generally on the inside I feel like I'm about 14, and 14 year old me was really only good at math and drooling over Johnny Depp. 14 year old me, while she *did* know how to use a soldering iron (thanks Dad!) would not have been able to diagnose a computer problem. Of course, 14 year old me didn't have the benefit of Google, either.
And at just what point did I get comfortable with the idea of having my own horse? 14 year old me dearly wished to do that, but realized she didn't have the knowledge or money necessary to actually keep one healthy. And now here I am with horse number four.
Similarly, when did I get to be old enough to make my own decisions about a house? I think it was a pretty gradual process. When I rented, I could fix my own toilet, sort out telephone lines, maybe flip a breaker. Now I decide to start major construction projects. (Note that I also decide to call in professionals, as I'm now far enough past 14 to actually hurt when I do heavy labor.)
I'm not sure when I became an comfortable solo backpacker, either. But now I am happy with or without company, on some pretty tough terrain, for months at a time. 14 year old me hadn't even really considered the idea of backpacking. I mean, I had been on a trial trip with Campfire by that time, I think. But to just go? Without Mom planning the trip? Or anybody? Literally inconceivable. I can't even remember when my first solo trip was, though I have a suspicion. I think maybe 10 years ago, I came back from a long backpacking trip with DeLee, and wanted to go back out the next weekend. And she didn't. So I just went. And I'm pretty sure I was a little scared.
Everything has followed a gradual progression where I learn a little, do a little, get more comfortable. I'm sure it all makes perfect sense. But sometimes, when I look at my life, it seems crazy that I am where I am. I was a smart, smart-ass, fairly unadventurous kid. I had to be prodded to get out of my room and go outside. And now here I am, solo backpacking on extended trips, owning a rambunctious Lipizzan (hello back injuries), owning a house, being a computer nerd. The last two seem like they fit. The first two? Pipe dreams. That came real.
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