Friday, December 14, 2012

Pervy dog brings our clothes out of the closet.

I just can't hide it anymore. The Schnork has a problem.  She's a perv.

At first she was rummaging in the laundry for my underwear.  Mortified, I brought in a tall laundry bin with a lid and started putting my underthings in it.  Because I'm not comfortable with anybody licking my underwear, that's why.  But apparently it wasn't about me.  Because the Schnork started finding JD's boxer shorts.

And so now I regularly wake up with a pair of my husband's boxer shorts on the sheepskin next to my side of the bed, and not because we've been doing the nasty.  No, the Schnork has been getting nasty.  I can't imagine what the attraction is of a used pair of underwear, but apparently it's obvious to the Schnork.  Sometimes I hear her rummaging around in the laundry, and I sleepily remonstrate.  "Schnork!  You stop that!"  And then she pauses until I fall back asleep.

As far as I can tell, she isn't destroying our underwear.  She's just... licking it.  Lovingly.

I haven't had a dog with this particular perversion before.  I have no idea what to do.  I mean, how do you shame a pervert?  She doesn't care.  She has no shame.  This is the same dog who schnorks at me until I pick her up and stroke her naked belly until she falls asleep and starts shnoring on my chest.  I have nothing to work with. 

Have I mentioned recently how good the Schnork is making Beauty look?  Beauty is a saint.  All she wants is the occasional sweet potato treat and to get scritched behind her ears at bedtime.  The Schnork finally trained us not to make her go outside, which means she excretes indoors at all times.  And she only mostly hits the wee pad.  Sometimes she is only wee pad adjacent.  You know what's fun?  Trying to pick up a wee pad so that the wet parts on the underneath don't drip.  We need to buy stock in the pee-destroying enzyme company.

Do you have  a pervy dog?  More importantly, do you have a previously pervy dog?  What did you do about it?  Did it involve cayenne peppers?  We have questions.

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